What are my rights?


I’m looking for a good starting point for researching my parental rights as a father.

I’m a single un-wed father residing in N.Y. state. I currently care for my 3 month old daughter three and a half days a week. However, the situation is precarious and I feel the urgent need to arm myself with knowledge of my legal rights.

I would appreciate any information/support links that may be helpful.

Huge custody problems!

A no bill, I think, is when there is not enough evidence to pursue charges in a case. It means that the grand jury doesn’t believe that there is enough evidence to pursue charges.

Find an attorney that is pro-male on custody issues. Check the web for local references. Any one that would tell a father that he does not deserve to see his kids is not pro-male.

If you have not found one by your court date all you can do is ask for a delay until you can find a suitable attorney. Going to court with out an attorney in this matter is suicide.

You have your hands full but you can get it done with the right legal help.

I will give you a woman, and a bio-mom’s insight

I breast fed my daughter for 4 months and did not want to stop but my body would not produce enough for me to continue. it is really not the step mother’s issue or business if the bio mom wants to breast feed.

that is not her child and never will be. breast feeding is a right to a bio mom and you will not take that away from her. there are several organizations that will back her 100% in court for breast feeding and some that will back her past the 12 month period. some organizations will back the mom up to 5 years! not for me at all but that’s an insight.

I don’t think you will get a court to make the bio mom give formula instead of breast milk – it is simply too hard to keep a child breast feeding once they go to a formula regimen. as far as pushing the step mom away – the step mom is just that–a step mom. I am a step mom and i have been for 3 years. there are guidelines and barriers you don’t pass. the child has a mother and the step mom should NEVER try to replace the mother. on the father having a say about breastfeeding, I think you will lose out on that one too. there are too many organizations that back mom’s that breast feed, and here courts will not tread on a breast feeding mother’s toes.

you are extremely lucky to have overnights! here if a mom is b.f. the court will not allow overnight visits.

just my take on it 🙂

Jackie – step mom, bio mom, and a breast feeder

Document, document, document

That is the only way that you stand a chance. You will have to prove that you are better for the kids and that she is not capable of taking care of them. Pictures and first hand accounts of people friendly to your cause will help. Search for an attorney that is pro male in custody terms.

In Ohio it is not uncommon for testing to be done on the mental state of individuals in custody cases. From the sounds of your wife’s actions, she may have a problem that may show up in this testing. My ex attempted suicide shortly after our divorce but still filed for full custody. This showed up in her tests and shot her down in the court.

Talk to your attorney and get his/ger feelings on the matter. At worst you may be forced to go with a shared parenting plan and if she proves later to be a hazard to the kids, you can file for full custody. An attorney can best guide you down this road.
I am in a shared parenting plan that has stood the test of time and two trips through the courts.

Best of luck to you with this difficult decision.

And with the courts.


Fed Up (long)

I have two great boys ages 7 and 11 and have been married for 12 1/2 years to the laziest woman in the world.

She simply doesn’t do anything around the house that she doesn’t have to. She leaves food out, trash lying around, doesn’t clean the bathrooms, or change the bed sheets, she doesn’t put the laundry away and then gets mad and yells at the kids when they ask where their clothes are.

We had roaches very bad a while back and ended up buying a house and leaving them behind (well most of them anyway) Now we’ve been at the new house 2 1/2 years and it’s just worse than it was before. I am developing a sever allergy to them and having asthma attacks when I try to dig and give the house a good cleaning. A couple of weeks ago I was cleaning the basement when everyone else was asleep and almost didn’t make it outside to get some fresh air.

For years I just looked the other way and pretended it didn’t matter to keep myself happy. At one point a few years ago we even had family services called on us. She doesn’t work so there is no excuse for her behavior. A year ago I worked at home and she worked outside the home. I was able to keep the house clean, keep up with the kids school work, and even do my job and still have a little free time, why can’t she?

Two months ago I gave her three months to clean up her act or else we were through and I was taking the kids. I even gave her a list of what I expect and had a few friends (including a working mother with four kids) my list before showing it to her, and none of them thought I was out of line at all. I have done very little around the house since she stopped working again in May leaving it up to her (I figured she’s home all day while I’m out supporting the family she can take care of the house)

Now that there is only one month left I have decided it’s time to talk to an attorney and start the ball rolling for the divorce. Today I also started taking pictures of the horrible conditions to use in court if necessary.

I guess my basic questions are, what are my chances in getting my kids? and what advice can you give me?

Thank you for your time.

You may want to check state law

In my state (UT), the court cannot consider a new relationship in terms of best interest of the child, unless specific harm results. Family court laws and rules differ from state to state, like with payday loans here in Utah – I bet our state lending laws differ from yours. If you won joint custody in the courts, then they must be liberal. If you have an agreement for joint custody with the ex, then she must be mellow.

Think of the kids. My daughter (two at the time) really latched on to someone I thought would be a permanent fixture in our lives. When she left, my daughter was as heartbroken as I was.

Three years later, I still field questions: “when is ### coming back?”.

What do you want to teach them?

Be sure to place your kids ahead of your girlfriend, priority-wise ( and make sure girlfriend accepts this).

In PA, you can engage in raucus sex with thirty people in the house with the children as long as they don’t “SEE”. If you are a woman. You being a man, why do anything to jeopardize your custody? I’ll tell you from personal experience, I didn’t get sued for custody until 2 years after the divorce, when I re-married… maybe something to think about.

Indiana child support law

I am not sure about the specific laws in Indiana, but if you actually need info regarding federal tax law and divorce you can get it online from IRS, you need publication No. 504. Also check No. 501, 505, 555 and 596. They may have info pertaining to what you need. I believe most states defer to the federal rules when it comes to who gets the deduction.

A little story to go along with this – My ex had all the tax paperwork as she had me removed from the home on a BS ex-parte domestic violence charge. By the time I had all the info, she had filed her taxes already, taking all three of the children as deductions. I checked with IRS and they have a formula; basically it is the one who provides the majority of support takes the deduction.

So I ended up taking all three and she ended up paying $800 plus penalties. Too bad! Although if you are on good terms you can split it or file together to maximize the benefit to both of you, if your divorce is not yet final. If the other parent is specifically given the tax deduction by the court, you will than need her to sign the waiver previously mentioned.

Otherwise, write a letter to IRS, clearly explaining your position, citing the publication, etc – you should have no problem – eh – other than a hot ex.:)


I am writing to wish everyone a Happy New Years. I am going to apologize because I have not been around, due to computer trouble. Please let’s make 2017 a success.

The solution to divorce and custody is communication. I am pleased to inform everyone that me and my wife after three years of going to court we may be getting back together.

Find someone that you are not taking to and call them up, to say hello, it makes a big difference in the lives of both of you. After September 11, 2001 where I used to work, it gave me a new meaning to life.

On Sunday I am taking my wife out to dinner, with our children, that is my way of welcoming in the year 2017. And my way of re-uniting the family back together. I wish everyone peace and love and all the best in 2002.

Both my ex and I are “Joint Managing Conservators”

Both my ex and I are “Joint Managing Conservators” for all three of our children.

From what I understand, that gives both of us the right to decide issues regarding medical care, schooling, and such for all three children. I am the Primary provider for the two boys, and my ex is the Primary provider for my daughter. My next step, due to the findings of abuse, and the fact that she has been evicted for not paying the rent, I am filing for supervised visitation as she is incapable of providing a place for the children to sleep.

One example; the night after Christmas, when she got the kids, she made my daughter sleep on the couch, along with a 40 yer old woman, because SHE {my ex} had to have the KING SIZE BED for her boyfriend and her.

This brings up another topic that has me concerned.

During the second set of temporary orders, there were three injunctions put on both of us. One, no possession or use of drugs (No problem for me, but she has a drug problem), no derogatory statements against the other parent, and no sexual partners spending the night when the children are there. She has not merely violated these injunctions, but stomped them into the ground. Why can’t men get the court to enforce rules put on women, but are threatened with jail if child support is not paid?

Congratulations on getting your court date

First, congratulations on getting your court date. I am in the fight of my life over my kids. I maneuvered HER into voluntarily giving up custody of my two boys, and now have a court date to amend the orders and get custody of my daughter.

My lawyer feels that with the evidence we have (affidavit from my daughter and report from CPS confirming abuse/neglect) they SHOULD voluntarily give her up as well.

Now I come to child support.

My lawyer says we will ask for it, but there is no guarantee. This I do not understand. When SHE had all three kids, I had to pay a percentage of my income to support the children. It would seem that to say a woman DIDN’T have to pay would be a direct violation of our Civil Rights?

This is something that needs to be looked into. I will let you know the outcome; I go to court on the 18th of January.

Wish me luck!


My trial date might actually occur this time: It is scheduled to be a jury trial this month (the fifth such date in the last year)to end my 3 1/2 year divorce. I was awarded “temporary sole custody” back in July 99 after four days of hearings, but have had no
luck in getting it finalized.

Anyway, as far as lessons-learned go, I wanted to offer this bit of advice on conflicts: If you feel it is time to call the police because of an escalating conflict on your turf with the soon-to-be-ex, do it. My ex has “gone crazy” four times where I did not call the police because the kids were present and would have witnessed it. I even called my attorney twice during such incidents and they advised me to call the police but I told them I would not because the kids were present.

Now in hindsight, I wish I had because this divorce would be over if I had three or four police reports for her *forth* attorney to read. My kids would have suffered less from such events than the pain of having this divorce drag out. Plus, I feel like the kids would have a better sense about their mother’s behavior instead of me covering up the seriousness of it. Lord knows, how many men have police reports, or worse, jail time held over their heads because a woman picks up the phone.

I am very confident about keeping custody due to her despicable record of behavior and judgment, both before and since the hearings, but I am concerned about the continuing gender bias. Wish me luck.

BTW: She was order to pay me “zero” child support two and a half years ago when I got custody; I was paying $1500/mo.